Xiaoqi has been a good friend of mine for many years.

Two weeks ago, Xiaoqi asked me out for a meal, and the first thing she said was, "Actually, I don't love her as much as she loves me."

I looked at Xiaoqi, who seemed a bit tired and annoyed, and asked with a polite surprise, "Ah? How did this happen? Your girlfriend is very beautiful, and you two have always been good together, right? Did you have a fight? I saw that you really liked her before, so what happened recently?"

Xiaoqi touched the handle of her coffee cup, paused for a few seconds, hesitated, and said,

"I don't know either. Let's put aside whether I love her or not. I feel like I've fallen into a huge trap, and it's getting tighter and tighter. Sigh, explaining our relationship might be a bit difficult, so let me put it this way..."

Then Xiaoqi began her long and incoherent narrative without a clue.

"Xing ge, actually, as soon as I started talking, I knew I wouldn't be able to explain it clearly. I know I can't explain it to others, let alone those stupid therapists who charge by the hour. Actually, the problem might not be about whether I can explain it clearly, but whether the listener can understand it."

Sigh... Let me tell you like this, for example, if my stomach hurts, the doctor comes over to diagnose me.

Then he says to me, "It's not your stomach that hurts, it's your abdomen." But I clearly have a stomachache, how does the doctor know it's my stomach hurting? 

At this point, you have to be clear in your explanation, right? How do you say it?

The doctor might poke my stomach with his finger and ask, "Does it hurt here?" 

I say no, then he pokes my belly button and asks, "Does it hurt here?" 

I say no again, and I point to the area between my stomach and abdomen, saying, "It hurts here."

Then the doctor laughs and says, "That's impossible. You either have a stomachache or an abdominal pain, or both. The place you're pointing to can't possibly hurt."

I get angry and say, "You're just a doctor, you're not me. How can you say it doesn't hurt when I say it does? I'm telling you it hurts here, find a way to explain where it hurts." 

The doctor says,

"The place where you feel pain may not have an academic name. Look, a little higher is the stomach, a little lower is the abdomen. These are the only two terms. If you insist, I can only use medical terms like 'three inches above the belly button' or 'one inch below the stomach.' But using stomachache or abdominal pain won't affect your treatment."

After Xiaoqi finished speaking this long string of words, she stared blankly at her coffee, then continued mumbling,

"Do you see? There's a problem with the language used in these words! It's a big trap, a bottomless pit. It's wrong to start talking, and once you start, you can't explain it clearly. One question leads to another that can't be explained clearly. Let me give you another example."

If her best friend were to diagnose this relationship, she would say, "Isn't this just a scumbag? What is there to say?" These people just want to hammer me with a hammer. Fine, scumbag, I can even be called a quark man, it doesn't affect the treatment, right?

If a therapist were to give me advice, they would give me a bunch of nonsense analysis from Freud to Jung, and then stick a plaster called "primary family issues" on me. These fortune-tellers are not as good as the blind teacher at the train station who has lost his sight. These idiots with hammers treat everything as a nail, just like those people who analyze how shitty big data is because they're struggling with their thesis. 

Then there's another group of people who constantly complain about social injustice. They would give me a diagnosis of "love alienation" using the theory of alienation. This is even more fucking nonsense. I haven't even figured out what love is, how can it be alienated? If there's alienation, there should be something to be alienated from, right? In the end, what the hell is love? Is it mating? Emotional fluctuations? Emotional fluctuations before and after mating? Let's talk about that theory of alienation. You say my love is alienated, but I think love itself is already an alienation.

Maybe in the end, it's just a matter of hormones. They have to sanctify it as love, and some third-rate writers write third-rate love novels, and third-rate directors make third-rate movies about talented men and beautiful women. They turn a very simple thing into a dogma, an inviolable social consciousness. It's really annoying.

Alright, it doesn't affect the treatment, right? We can use descriptive words, but not simple ones like moving up an inch for scumbag and down an inch for nice guy, or rotating the central air conditioning 180 degrees. Today, let's describe this matter with descriptive words seriously.

Didn't you just ask me if I don't love her anymore? Let's start from here. You know, we started dating in college, but why did I like her in the first place? 

To tell you the truth, I'm face-blind like Liu Qiangdong. I don't even know if she's beautiful. The first time I saw her, she reminded me of my high school art teacher, and I felt a little attracted. Pay attention! The problem started from here.

You can say I was attracted, but why did I have to love her? People have emotional fluctuations dozens or even hundreds of times a day, with thousands of thoughts coming and going. My heart beats faster when I run five kilometers, and it also beats faster when I watch GIFs. Why did that particular acceleration lead to such a big consequence?

And I found that the problem lies in the fact that this trap is a chain. One gesture leads to the next big move. When my heart was racing, the third-rate TV dramas based on third-rate novels by third-rate directors I had seen before started to take effect. The key is that it also affected her. Now looking back, I realized that at that time, a bunch of movie scenes prompted me to do a lot of impulsive actions.

So why did I start to love her? Many people don't understand this question. Everyone thinks I'm asking: What do I like about her? Anyway, it probably doesn't affect the treatment, right?

In the past few days, in order to understand this question clearly, I did a crazy experiment. If I tell others about it, they would probably send me to a mental hospital, so I had to tell you, Xing ge.

Last weekend, I locked myself at home for two days, holding a bunch of photos of girls downloaded from Instagram. I wanted to study the so-called "heartbeat" feeling for myself. I arranged the photos in order, then grabbed my hair and imagined the life this girl had, that is, I created her past, and then imagined how we met and how we could enter into a romantic relationship. In this way, within two days, I experienced nearly dozens of love stories.

Why was it so successful? Damn it, I found that it's a process of psychological suggestion. Under constant suggestion, I started to believe more and more.

This conclusion is terrifying to me. I have two questions: How much stupid things have I done before that were influenced by other people's consciousness, not my own thoughts? And are my own thoughts important? Can I live a better life based solely on instincts and mainstream social consciousness?

Hahaha, hahahaha, after doing this, I think I should be even crazier. So I took the experiment to the next level. I wanted to explore how to turn the momentary heartbeat when seeing a photo into a desire to be in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with her, sorry, I temporarily won't use the word "love." Guess what happened?

How the hell is this another scam, a big scam! A meticulously planned scam like a pyramid scheme!

Oh, sacred and inviolable love, it seems to have no place in our process of falling in love! What determines whether we like someone?

Let me put it in a more abstract way. The worldview is not the reflection after seeing this vast world, but it is already theorized when observing these messy things.

I started thinking about things even when I wasn't thinking. Before even observing a person, I have already decided whether I like them or not.

Don't mention the subconscious to me, and don't tell me it's a matter of free will. I don't want to deal with big words like free will; I can't handle them. My problem is not whether I can decide my actions, but what factors determine my decisions.

If you think this is a matter of "free will," that's fine... as long as it doesn't affect the treatment, right?

Anyway, I now understand that what drove me to like her and waste so much time talking about love was those boring idol dramas, popular song lyrics, and even the obscene words and songs composed by ancient literati or prostitutes during their leisure time. This pattern is not suitable for someone like me, who drinks AD calcium milk in the 21st century. I am repulsed by them, yet they have become the basic pattern of my love life.

Actually, when it comes to love, I feel bored and helpless. I have been suspicious of it for a long time. Yes, I didn't explain it clearly earlier, did I?

You know she's the kind of girl who likes to stick to people. She likes to pretend to be cute and ask, "Do you love me?" Actually, I fucking know that according to an established rule, I am obliged to answer every time with the same tone, deeply and without hesitation, "I love you." Sigh... Unfortunately, during this period, I have been thinking without hesitation. Once I start thinking, I fall into another trap.

You see, I found that so-called love is just like that standardized question and answer. It's a rule. If you follow the rule, love exists; if you don't follow the rule, everything falls apart.

Every time she asks, "Do you love me?" I can't help but wonder, what would happen if I said, "No, I don't love you"? This mischievous thought has been growing. 

Actually, if I use my imagination, I can guess what will happen after this mischief. It's nothing more than her asking unhappily, "Are you crazy?" Whether I say yes or no, ah, it's so exciting to think about it. Then she starts complaining about spending hours doing her makeup before the date, and how I'm so clueless, and then she brings up some old grudges, and then we both get angry at each other, and then we have a cold war, and then we can choose whether to break up or not.

After breaking up, if I'm not adapting well to the single life and haven't dealt with my emotions in time, if my mind gets muddled, there's a possibility of apologizing and seeking reconciliation. If it happens that she also feels confused or has so-called "softened her heart," maybe we'll be back together again.

And after getting back together? I think I have to follow the rules again. The next time she asks if I love her, I must pretend to be more affectionate or pretend to say it casually, "Of course, I love you." When her aunt comes, I should say, "Drink more hot water." When we have sexual impulses, I should find an appropriate way to invite her to my place. When we go on vacation, we should take selfies with our faces close together. We should play all the games that couples play on Weibo. I should pretend to know nothing about her makeup. I should pretend to be affectionate in front of our friends, teasing and flirting with each other. I should pretend to be a straight guy and let my girlfriend happily scold me. That's how it goes until marriage, and then I can play the role of being afraid of my wife. They say life is like a play, and it's not just empty words. Once you enter the role, rely on the rules, and you will have everything. But once you break the rules, everything will leave you.

Sigh, my statement that "love is just a rule," do you think it's just a linguistic game, a dispute over terminology?

Sigh, it's hard to explain. I'm not arguing about terminology now; I can have stomachaches and headaches, but it's important that you understand where the problem lies. Of course, if you say, "I'm not a fish, how can I know the joy of being a fish?" that's fine too.

Please, let's stick to the point. Of course, you are not me, so you cannot experience the same feelings as I described. Maybe I have triggered your feelings, and you think it's my feelings. But if you can understand some of the implications, that's enough. I have said everything I can say clearly; let's put aside what cannot be explained.

Anyway, the doctor said it wouldn't affect the treatment.

After Xiaoqi finished speaking, he started drinking coffee. Actually, I didn't pay much attention to what he said that day, but it seemed like he found love boring and breaking up painful. I seriously agreed with him, and in my mind, I was considering what to say next. Should I advise him to break up? He would definitely blame me when he regretted it in the future. Should I advise him to continue? It seemed that this kind of advice didn't suit his current state of mind.

So I asked, "Well, I may not have the same experience as you, but I can probably understand how you feel. My experience tells me that no matter what you do now, no matter how you do it, the result will be the same. In the end, you will regret it. I don't have a good solution. We are brothers, and although I can't make the decision for you, I can support you. From what it looks like now, there are only two options."

The first option is for you two to continue. I will reassure you, and in the future, whenever you encounter problems, you can come to me for advice. Sometimes, when those negative emotions pass, the problems may also disappear. This is one way to solve it. After solving it, your deep-rooted problems may still exist, but emotionally, you won't feel so repulsed. You will feel that you can bear it, that you can go on, and even feel comfortable."

I paused for a moment, trying to discern whether Xiaoqi's expression showed impatience or confusion. After a few seconds, Xiaoqi asked, "What about the other option?"

Noticing his change in mood, I sincerely said, "The other option, of course, is to help you solve the problem, to relieve the moral and public pressure, and make it a conclusion. Then you can try a new love pattern. Staying in this pseudo-intimate relationship for too long is not good for you. Life is still long, and there's nothing wrong with trying something different. It's not worth living a dull life at our age. After solving this matter, go and experience something exciting, something that makes your heart race, something you haven't done before."

Xiaoqi seemed a bit uncomfortable, keeping his arms crossed. He hesitated for a moment and said, "Actually, I find this a bit unethical. Is it even legal?"

I smiled and said, "You two aren't married, so there's no legal issue. And these two companies are legitimate companies. They will have legal advisors who understand the situation before accepting the commission. When the time comes, they will sign a contract with you. And, aren't you too self-assured about your charm? When a girl has better options, she will find reasons to leave you. Based on a girl's typical psychology, she will resolve her relationship with you before officially starting the next date. Actually, the final pain will be borne by you. She may feel guilty, but more likely not, because people have a tendency to deceive themselves and find reasons to justify their actions. If you don't want to hurt her, you can simply agree when she suggests breaking up, without presenting evidence to prove that she has wronged you. This way, both of you can move on with your lives peacefully."

Xiaoqi smiled and nodded in agreement.

So I continued, "Let me directly tell you about a possible plan. It was suggested by a friend I used to go fishing with. Basically, there is a place in Chaoyang District where you can hire a private detective to conduct legal investigations and collect evidence. Not far from that street, there is a club called 'lfidelity' that offers a service to test the loyalty of partners before marriage. You can first commission the private detective agency to investigate whether she is cheating, and then have the club arrange a handsome guy to have a coincidental encounter with her. After they exchange contact information, let the fidelity club's professionals chat with her until they can arrange a date. At that time, the first company you commissioned will gather evidence, and you can officially propose a breakup with that evidence. That's the general idea."

Xiaoqi seemed uneasy and kept staring at his coffee cup. Then he asked, "I feel like doing this is a bit unethical, and is it legal?"

I laughed and said, "You two aren't married, so there's no legal issue. And these two companies are legitimate companies. They will have legal advisors who understand the situation before accepting the commission. When the time comes, they will sign a contract with you. And, aren't you too self-assured about your charm? Every person unconsciously has a small calculation system. When a girl has better options, she will find reasons to leave you. Based on a girl's typical psychology, she will resolve her relationship with you before officially starting the next date. Actually, the final pain will be borne by you. She may feel guilty, but more likely not, because people have a tendency to deceive themselves and find reasons to justify their actions. If you don't want to hurt her, you can simply agree when she suggests breaking up, without presenting evidence to prove that she has wronged you. This way, both of you can move on with your lives peacefully."

Xiaoqi still crossed his arms, looking somewhat uneasy. So I continued, "Relax, the plans can be customized. After their first date, the chat handler can find an excuse for the male lead to go on a business trip, gradually distancing themselves. Then, they can showcase the male lead's ex-girlfriend coming to find him on social media, and they will get back together. Ending an ambiguous relationship becomes much easier, right? She won't feel much pain."

Xiaoqi remained silent for a while and asked me, "How much does it cost approximately?"

"Around 40 to 50 thousand."

"That expensive?"

"Actually, it's not that expensive. Just think about it. You can either spend three months' salary to solve this problem or spend the next forty years with someone you don't like. If it were me, just the thought of spending decades with someone I don't like terrifies me."

After Xiaoqi finished speaking, he started drinking coffee. Actually, I didn't pay much attention to what he said that day, but it seemed like he found love boring and breaking up painful. I seriously agreed with him, and in my mind, I was considering what to say next. Should I advise him to break up? He would definitely blame me when he regretted it in the future. Should I advise him to continue? It seemed that this kind of advice didn't suit his current state of mind.

During dinner, Xiao Qi expressed his desire for me to help him with the commission for the Fidelity Club. He didn't want to face the details of being cuckolded himself. He happened to have a month off and wanted to travel to relax. So the next day, I went to the club and customized a two-month service. The salesgirl discussed and planned the scheme with me in detail, allowing me to choose an actor based on her preferred type of guy. She informed me that within about half a month, they would arrange for them to meet, exchange WeChat, and so on. Within 45 days, they would have their first date, and in the second month, they would enter a period of ambiguity. At the end of the second month, the ambiguity would end. If there were any unexpected situations, they would provide an additional month of service. The entire relationship was completely controllable, safe, and without any responsibility.

After helping Xiao Qi with a bunch of things, I started to focus on optimizing algorithms. I worked overtime for twenty consecutive days and almost forgot about it. One afternoon, while going out for a meal during overtime, Xiao Qi suddenly called me, angrily accusing me at the beginning of the call, "What's going on? Didn't we agree not to go too far?" I quickly asked what happened, and he said, "I just received a progress report from a private investigator. That guy from the club already slept with her yesterday! The damn private investigator sent me a stack of photos. What did you do?" I hurriedly explained to Xiao Qi that when I commissioned the Fidelity Club, I explicitly stated that they should not go as far as having physical relations. It might be that the actor got carried away with his desires. I could demand compensation from them.

After hanging up the phone, I immediately called the salesperson from the Fidelity Club. As soon as the call connected, they said, "Mr. Wu, we were actually going to contact you a couple of days ago regarding this matter. We apologize for the inconvenience. The actor you selected last time went to the United States this month and will only return tomorrow. So your task will start this week. We sent you an email earlier, but it might have been classified as spam. Since the task can still be completed within the planned timeframe of the first phase, we didn't contact you further. I was just about to call you to explain this situation. By the way, I just got his WeChat from Tantan, and things are progressing smoothly. As soon as he lands tomorrow, I will provide him with the information and plan, and the day after tomorrow, we can arrange the first encounter."

Here are some screenshots of the comments at that time, for archival purposes.